Leaving the Church
What is the church? Is it something determined by certain rituals, certain words nailed to the sign out front, parameters agreed upon by men? Or is it determined by Jesus’ recipe, where two or more are gathered in His name, He is in their midst? Some will argue that it can’t be a church until they gather together to take the Lord’s Supper, sing songs, have an opening and closing prayer, etc.
Is a human family only a family when they are gathered around the dinner table? Even the Prodigal Son was part of the family, even while he slopped hogs. Thus, when we talk about someone “leaving” the church, we are already on slippery footing. The New Testament (NT) treats division or factions as inevitable occurrences, as we shall see.
Christians—and I use the term loosely—are among the most thin-skinned, easily offended people on the planet, myself included. Like water on a duck’s back, things roll off of the true child of God. They don’t seem to get upset. Rifts in the church are seen as minor set-backs to them. They are humble. They are servants. They smile and hug. They are generally female. I’m none of those things. The Lord has a lot of work left to do with me.
I’ve come up with five types of people who leave the church for various reasons. There are probably others, but these should suffice:
1. The Waiting-for-the-Smallest-Excuse Person (Emotionalism)2. The You’d-Better-Worship-By-The-Rules Person (Legalism)3. The Squeezed Out-For-Not-Carrying-Your-Weight Person (Separatism)4. The Ears-That-Never-Get-Tickled Person (Denominationalism)5. The It’s-Too-Dark-In-Here-For-Me Person (Antidisestablishmentarianism )Many people refuse to go to “church,” if I may use that term. Non-Christians typically give the excuse, “I don’t want to go to church with all those hypocrites.” (Thus identifying themselves as ‘true’ believers.) Sunday morning, in their opinion, is for mowing the yard, not wasting time with a bunch of liars. As former unsaved sinners, we can relate. We viewed church folks as those who dressed up, put on insipid smiles, and thought themselves better than the rest of us. Having been one now for 30 years, it’s not like that at all. In fact, what goes on inside the church can be downright ugly.
A friend of mine sent me an e-mail from an Air Force chaplain, parts of which I’ve pasted here:
I’m not sure whether I can agree with the good chaplain, mainly because I don’t see this as a norm for God’s people. Where does the NT say that getting along with a bunch of people who are apathetic toward or may even hate one other honors God? Note John’s words:
The context of what the Holy Spirit means is found in the next two verses:
Thus, it is speaking of Christians taking care of one another’s physical needs. In our affluent society today, we don’t rely on one another to keep food on the table. Along the same lines, we don’t suffer as the early Christians did either. The pious sermons from today’s pulpits on “suffering for Christ” have a hollow ring in our over-fed, two-cars-in-the-garage society.
Waiting for the Smallest Excuse (Emotionalism)
We’ve probably known Christians who just seem to be looking for a reason to either switch churches or leave altogether. Some minor thing takes place, and the next thing you know: “You hear about Sister Smith? She left the church!”
I gave this a great deal of thought while my son and I were driving. I made a comment about his driving, to which he replied, “If you don’t like it, you can drive.” Since I know and love my son, the comment was barely noticed. Yet if I had said the same thing to a Christian brother or sister, they would have been offended, and probably left the church. Meetings would have been called. This begs the question: how much love is really between Christians if every time someone says something off-color, they quit speaking to one another?
Recently, a woman was offended when I politely suggested that her favorite radio preacher taught false doctrine. She vowed never again to attend services where her and I could share the same air. Although I was polite—in fact, I told her that this radio preacher helped get me to Christ—she has removed herself from Christian fellowship because of what I said. She never seemed to be really comfortable in church at any rate. She had been looking for an excuse to quit going and found one in me.
Through a series of events, these folks find themselves in the church, but are never quite happy in it. They have a wait-and-see attitude. I’m not sure what they’re waiting for, but it’s evident in their lack of commitment. Attendance is sporadic; they never contribute to the bible study; they don’t hang around. Eventually, the preacher changes the part in his hair, or someone says something off-hand, and “that’s it! I’m outta here!” Later, when you see them at Wal-Mart, they’re happier than they’ve been in years. Why? Because they can finally be justified in their own sight. Reconciliation is nearly impossible, since they really don’t want to be there anyway.
You’d-Better-Worship-By-The-Rules (Legalism)
We must not forget about legalism as a reason for leaving the church. Too much of it can cause dis-fellowship, and not having any rules can make people leave. I’ve known of entire churches closing shop over legalism. Although legalism plagued the early Christians, they never divided over it. Dividing a church today is simply a matter of changing the color of the building.
When asked the question one day in bible study, most of the class told me they attended services because they felt they had to because of the admonition in Hebrews 10 not to forsake the assembly. In reading that verse, Christians automatically put on Moses’ robes and see this as the 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not forsake the assembling of yourselves together. Yet the entire thrust of Hebrews has nothing to do with Sunday worship, but of a trend where Jews were leaving the Christian faith and returning to their Mosaic traditions to avoid persecution. The writer’s mention of “not forsaking the assembly” addressed more than playing Sunday morning hooky where remedy could be found by taking the Lord’s Supper during the evening service.
This legalistic mentality generally takes place between the opening and closing prayer. Beyond that, many “Christians” endorse a cozy relationship with the world. A woman once walked out of a service because I played a CD where scripture was being read over very soft synthesizer chords. Yet I knew she listened to music containing explicit lyrics, and watched movies that promoted immorality.
People have left over issues concerning the Lord’s Supper, the word formula used in baptisms, elders or the lack thereof, baptismals versus running water, how money was being spent, whether or not the four gospels were Old or New Testament, splitting up bible classes, ad nauseum. Yet in their personal lives, they seem to have a cozy relationship with the world.
Jim Jonas points out in his article, A History of the Church of Christ,
Today, legalism is becoming less of a concern, with the older generation being replaced by younger, more “open-minded” preachers and their followers. Let us pray that the pendulum doesn’t swing too far to the right.
Squeezed Out For Not Carrying Your Weight (Separatism)
While the NT speaks of love and hate among brethren, Jesus usually referred to hate as coming from those who opposed Him and His ministry. In other words, hate is primarily world-centered. John says,
Shortly after being baptized in the church of Christ at 23 years-old, I suddenly found myself unemployed. Construction work where I lived had come to a near stand-still. With a wife and son to feed, I soon found myself asking for help from the church.
At first, there was genuine concern among the brotherhood. But as time went by, the questions became more terse. “Are you looking for a job?” “Where?” Some told me to apply for jobs I wasn’t even qualified for. “Just go in there with a positive attitude and they’ll hire you.” That sounded good and pro-active. But a foreman looking to hire a carpenter needs more than a smile and a handshake.
It’s worthy to note that during this time, the “gospel of affluence” was popular. I listened to an elder one day who said, “If a Christian is struggling financially, there’s something wrong; God is not blessing him.”
My status as “brother Terry” degenerated into suspicion and my motives for coming to services were interrogated. I finally decided to join the Air Force. Even then, some in the church had issues with this, saying I was killing people by joining the military. Shortly afterwards, this congregation shriveled up and died.
The sad thing is, those who are the focus of such scrutiny, pick up on this attitude and end up leaving. They are squeezed out of the church much like a group of animals will chase off one of their own who has a defect. Their departure is then seen by the church as “proof” of the person’s wrong-doing.
Ears-That-Never-Get-Tickled (Denominationalism)
There are those who look for something in a church service that can satisfy some innate urge. If that church can’t satisfy their “itch,” they will move on. This is the reason there are so many denominations. There’s a church out there that will cater to any need.
Folks may either begin in the church of Christ and later leave, or they may visit for a few Sundays as they “shop” for a church. The preacher may be boring, or the lack of instrumental music may turn them away, but Paul is speaking here of false doctrine that appeals to the flesh.
Mormonism, for example, gives license for several flavors of sexual immorality. The chance at multiple marriages (especially if they’re to underage girls) appeals to the sinful mind. The opportunity at becoming a god after death, to be worshipped by your progeny, is attractive to megalomaniacs. To the Jehovah’s Witnesses and other groups, getting to the throne without going through the cross provides comfort. To those looking for an “experience,” the charismatic movement offers church services charged with emotion, loud music and little else. Services aimed specifically at young people gear their music, message, and atmosphere on what’s trendy today. If you don’t like to be held accountable, and prefer to place your faith in rituals instead of Christ, Catholicism is your ticket.
There’s a church for every kind of personality, to satisfy whatever tickles your ears. While Christianity seeks to change a person’s heart, denominations and cults exist to satisfy whatever sinful urge currently exists in the heart. You don’t have to change anything—they’ve got what you’ve been looking for. As Solomon said, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” (Prov 14:12)
It’s Too Dark In Here For Me (Antidisestablishmentarianism, or, Against the Established Order)
The last group I want to focus on is perhaps the class of Christian who may have a legitimate reason for leaving a congregation. Notice I didn’t say, leave the church. A person is put in Christ at baptism; they don’t “leave” the body of Christ, although quitting attendance at the local body is seen by many as apostasy.
This is why I disagree with the Air Force chaplain who says that we should remain with a group “at all costs.” When Jesus told the Ephesian church He would remove their light if they didn’t repent, what did He mean? Since ‘light’ is a metaphor for truth, specifically God’s word, (Psa 119:105; 2 Cor 4:6) Jesus implied that whoever was carrying the truth in that congregation would be separated out.
The sin of the Ephesian church (Rev 2:1ff) was that they had “forgotten their first love.” They had forgotten Christ. They were into all kinds of good works according to the text, but works that left out Christ and His message. Some would be quick to point out that this is exactly the kind of scenario where leaving would be most detrimental.
Yet the purpose of the church is to build up one another in the most holy faith. (Jude 20) The NT nowhere says that Christians gather together to worship God. Jesus said,
If a congregation’s purpose is not causing “the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love,” (Eph 4:16) they can’t rightly call themselves the church of Christ. It’s not about worship. Paul was neither speaking of numbers nor “worship” mandates. If numbers and ritualism were proof of a church’s faith, most cults would qualify.
The group inclination is to blame the individual, citing all kinds of reasons and verses. The group can’t be wrong, it has to be the individual, because they are not worshipping with them. The over-riding reason (in their mind) is that worship must be held in compliance in a certain building at a specific time, doing specific rituals. To not participate within these parameters is regarded as sinful. Again, “going to church” is nowhere cited as worship to God.
As a group the Corinthians thought they were right and Paul, the lone individual, was wrong. As a group, the Jewish nation thought they were right when Jesus stood alone before Pilate. After all, He was bucking the system, rocking the boat, upsetting the established religious system, and calling them names. He didn’t fit their paradigm as a king.
Yet they were wrong. Like the Corinthians—a group who were blessed in spiritual gifts—an entire congregation can be wrong. Five churches in Asia Minor were in danger of being eliminated if they didn’t repent. They were dead wrong spiritually. The letter to the Corinthians and Galations reveal congregations that were on the ropes due to misconduct and apostasy. In these, as in the Revelation churches, humanism, apathy, and false doctrine were responsible.
Paul told the Corinthians, “I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children.” (1 Cor 4:14) Warn them against what? Arrogant men were seeking disciples to follow after them, and those followers perpetuated division. Paul was being denounced as weak; a blow-hard with no real power. This was the group mentality and Paul essentially stood alone. Referencing the general admonition of scripture against pride and arrogance, he writes,
In truth, Paul never “left” the church—they rejected him. Following men was the Corinthian’s sin, which led to other sins. Jesus’ own disciples were always jostling for position and leadership roles. This is not to limit the importance of leadership, but that responsibility lies with Spirit-filled elders, not a preacher. I frankly think it’s wrong to advertise the preacher’s name on a church sign, newsletter, web-site, book, or anything else connected to the bride of Christ.
The Laodicean church made Jesus sick. (Rev 3:16) Why? Because of their inaccurate self-perceptions. This group thought they were in good spiritual shape. Fact of the matter was, they were apathetic. They cared neither one way or the other. How many times have I raised a flag to warn an individual, preacher, or congregation, where it was met by a condescending smile? There’s nothing wrong—you’re getting fanatical—don’t speak to Terry about the bible, he likes to argue…and so forth.
Many think they’re doing the Lord’s work, yet are not. (Matt 7:21) Dr. J. Vernon McGee once said, “A lot of churches are as busy as termites and just as destructive.” If a church is trying to win converts through pool parties and social events, they are not preaching the gospel of salvation via the blood of Christ. A sad truth is, pot-lucks incite more interest today than Bible study. While no Christian would dare be late for work, they don’t think God cares if they wander in late for a bible study, if at all. After all, the ten o’clock bible study isn’t part of the “5 acts of worship,” so it’s safe to blow it off. In the end, “forsaking the assembly” has been honed to a fine degree by today’s scribes and Pharisees.
It would do well to hear Jesus’ words as to what makes up the church:
The church is not identified by certain acts, specific times, nor buildings with specific titles nailed to the front. Jesus said that those born of the Spirit were not readily visible. Like the wind, you could only see the effects.
Summary
While there is no NT precedent for “leaving” the church, it does appear that “there must be divisions, so that those who are approved may become evident among you.” (1 Cor 11:19) Who are the approved? The one leaving or the one staying behind? Is there a pruning process taking place to which Jesus referred in John 15?
If this article seems to condone leaving the church, I apologize. I’ve left the church only once in my lifetime, but soon took up fellowship with a group of fine Christians in another town. The decision to quit fellowshipping with other Christians should never be made quickly, if at all. However, circumstances may get to a point where one’s absence may benefit the group. I used my time of absence to pray, and lost many nights sleep wondering if I were the one to blame. Never did I adopt the attitude of self-righteousness, thinking I was right and they were wrong.
I would suggest that the Spirit of God moves within the body of Christ, and that if we humble ourselves, that body can take the form Christ desires: spotless and blameless. (2 Pet 3:14) This sifting and pruning process takes place on earth, where death finally adds a child of God to the heavenly kingdom for all eternity.
Membership is not to be found in church attendance records, but in the Lamb’s Book of Life. Paul told the Romans, “if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him. (I.e, they’re not part of the church) If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness.” (Rom 8:9-10) Thus, possessing that Spirit is the important criteria God uses to determine who are his and who are not. The Spirit and the fruits thereof are the proof of a child of God.
Attending church services is merely the icing on the cake.
